It was you that I was thinking of..

So, 24 hours ago, I was a bawling mess. Around midnight last night, Pat and I broke up. I had to end it because I wasnt happy, and that made him unhappy, which made me worse. So, as my first breakup, I have no idea how to react to how he didn't want to talk to me, to him wanting me to call him Monday. I need my space, and he's pushing me away further by doing that.
Anywhom. So im sitting there bawling, and you really don't realise who you really have until you need them. My friend Chris, who I would honestly never guess who would've helped me so much, talked me through the whole thing, and reassured me that if I wasn't happy with him, it was only going to get worse. He stayed up with me until 3am, just nattering back and fourth. It was really sweet! And ontop of that, Danielle was talking me through everything as it was happening and after it did, and she helped me so, so much. Best friends since grade 6, and no wonder. She took me under her wing, and she had to explain things to Pat for the zillionth time as I sat there crying. She took me out tonight, too, but I'll explain more in a bit.
Aaron and Jamie stayed up with me for the longest time talking to me, comforting and offering support. Jamie actually stayed up with me until I was ready to go sleep. Its amazing, I can tell those two anything. Aaron says its because of our anonyminity, because we have to take each other at face value without knowing any of the other persons past (well, at least thats what he says for he and I, and we dont know everything yet, anyway). Either way, the fact I met Aaron late June, and he's this close already and willing to stay up all night to comfort me means so much. Jamie has known me for less amount of time, too. I have amazing friends.
I also had comfort from Mom and Dad, clearly, Stephanie G, Ashley, Alyia, Joel, and Kaytie. Not to mention, Katie called me today long distance because I told her on Friday what almost happened. I guess she saw it coming too, but she saw it for weeks. I saw it for months.
So I sit there, and I realise how much people really genuinely care. Its truely one of lifes special little miracles.
Danielle took me out for a drive today. Katie had sent her a text to buy me icecream, so we go grab some Ben and Jerrys and eat it on the beach, laughing the whole time. Amazingly, I really think I'm fine, Im just worried about him. After we finish the icecream, we head down to the playground and meet up with Graeme and Aaron, and Alyson came later on. Lots of hugs, laughs, conversation. Love it. I really needed to get out of the house, Im glad I did with these 5.

So, another thing that relates to the title.. Ive had a slight crush for a few weeks now. And four nights ago they told me they liked me, but I was totally unable to say something back. Thats another reason for the breakup that nobody does, has, or needs to know. Anywho, I have no clue why Aarons so sweet to me, but he makes me feel incredible, and apparently I do the same for him. We're weird, and our face value thing.. it could very well be the sketchiest thing in the world, but I trust him right now. Here's hoping its for the best. The other night he said that i was "legitamitely beautiful", and tonight "the empitome of perfection". He keeps making me see the good things in myself, things Pat couldn't because he either tried too much, too late, or I just dont beleive him enough. Aars been more of a best friend lately then Pat anyway. and he listens. Too bad hes going to his first year of Uni at the end of the summer..

God I hate my teenage ramble.
Just needed it off my chest.

its like i wrote, every note, with my own fingers..

Boxing with the Stars

"We are terrible for each other, and yes- we're a disaster. But tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. I'd rather die terrified, then live forever."
I quite possibly think that the above quote is one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. Its the empitome of relationships in a sense- or a relationship from the past, one that has yet to happen. Why is it we always want more out of relationships then just the thirll?
Maybe I'm a terrible person- but theres nothing more intreguing to me as human relationships. We all are so dependant on others that it's honestly impossible to take someone away from that and see them survive. I can be an addict for dramatics, but it always boils down to love with me. We all have the dramatic friend, the friend you talk to for advice, the friend you cry with (although you might not be able to immediately think of the name of the person: trust me, you have one).
But has anyone really stopped to think, we're just fragments of others lives? And our lives are fragments in the lives of others. If you took absolutely everyone you've ever met or had contact with, and mooshed all their knowledge together, you can see your life story.
What about those lonely thoughts though? The ones that swim alone in your head, never to be muttered. What about all those whispers from your concience telling you to go back to the city- to get lost in the crowd. Run away with love. Live like you'll never live again.
What about those thoughts that remind you of all the people you would hurt if you did exactly what you desire. What about how they'll piece together your life to find out why you left. What about the impact your absence would have on their life.
What about you.